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.eight.

It's a little late now, just finished watching two movies. And I'm still awake. Goodluck for a long day at work later. I'm here at phase 3 and spending the night here. We won't be having water service tomorrow at our house (and the entire phase) because of the routine tank cleaning. Okay, so I didn't start this article to tell you about ra-da-nothings. There are two things tonight. And yes, it has something to do with the boyfriend.

 

First, the boyfriend stayed at home the entire night (which I'm really happy about, just different because he's not out, like the normal). My mom picked me up from my usual drop off point. It was all going well, until I went home alone and craved for a porridge. I stopped by there but unfortunately, it will still be ready in 5 minutes. I decided to go home first before eating. While I was at home, me and the boyfriend 'texted', and told him that I was about to go back to go get a serving of porridge. And he told me to just wait for mom 'til they come home. And I was like, "why do I have to wait for them? Can't I go there on my own?". I told him that I'll be okay. And I usually go there on my own before (well, before we became a couple that is). Of course, he did not agree. When he said "please", that ease me off a bit. But the idea this situation gave me did not go away. And of course, it made me think about a lot of things too. Like, there are lots of things that has changed since we became a couple. Some things are okay and some things are 'oh well, what can I do?'. I think I am the one who's doing most of  the changing. And I think it's just a little unfair on my part. (Okay, enough. I'm going off track now)

Maybe, I just don't want someone to make me feel as if I can't take good care of myself and can't stand on my own feet. Okay, sometimes yes, I would love that. There's this quote, I remember, that says: "I know I can take good care of myself, but I want someone to prove me I can't" or something like that. Just like what that quote says, I wanted someone to make me feel I need to be taken care of, SOMETIMES. Let's not forget that I'm more on the independent side that wants to do things on my own.

Second, he was asking me to sleep at their place. I thought this topic has already been settled. This has been an issue between us from God-knows-when. I laid all the reasons why I don't, for so many I'm-getting-tired-repeating-it times, and I don't know why he keeps on pushing it. Things between his parents and I weren't that good, I don't want to pull the strings. I just can't imagine being the thick-faced woman who keeps on doing inappropriate things (being the woman who goes to the man's house which is just so inappropriate, much more to sleep there when you two aren't even married and your relationship wasn't that approved upon.. what would that make me look??), one reason is the on-the-works religion thing (which is another thing to talk about, but not now.). Another reason? He had someone before whom he lived with, maybe a year or so. And I just can't swallow the fact YET that I'm laying on the same bed which they have shared. And please consider that we are just on our fifth month together, past issues are still on the line. Why can't he understand that? He even noticed a lot of times what happens to me if I stayed too long in their house, I lose my mood, I lose my sane self. Why can't he just understand that?? I believe I'm doing my part on this. I have been trying to adjust and trying to change. I now go to their place every now and then. I went out together with his parents. I'm really tying to familiarize myself on this, can't he even notice that? To think that I am trying to overcome my fear of parents for him.

We did not end the night good. One thing is I did not agree to sleep at their place. And next maybe is I am now going to sleep in a different house (while I did not agree with his.). None of a proper goodnight. And won't be a good night (morning) for me. And it was always like this. I felt that I need to make him feel good all the time. That I always have to be very careful not to hurt his feelings. But how about me?

I think I'ma hit the sheets now. It's getting too late. I love him. This wouldn't change that fact. xoxo

p.s  There's something about our date last feb 12 that I wanted to share. Pls help me remember.

.seven.

My dear friend started this idea. She asked me about my star sign and the boyfriend's. And, this is what she sent me:

[I'm an Aquarian and the boyfriend is a Virgoan.]

The only turf these two signs can share is the intellectual one. The traditional, methodical Virgo panics in the absence of familiarity and routine; the Aquarius devotes himself to overturning the routine and modernizing the world. Likewise, in the emotional realm, Virgo seeks certainty while Aquarius craves the unpredictable. The Aquarian chill bothers the devoted Virgoan, who may reproach him or herself for some inner failing. However, love makes all things possible... But this couple will be a challenge for both partners to tackle.**

And, somehow I agree on this. Expscially about the boyfriend panics about changes. And me always looking for changes. Something to improve on.

So, okay. I did not stop there. I've made my own quest on this star-sign-compatibility-whatever and this is what I have found.

                             If your Venus is in Aquarius:

When your Venus is in Aquarius, you don't want to follow all the "rules" in love, preferring to love in your own way, unfettered by convention or what is "supposed" to be, or usually, done. You are future-minded, a tad unconventional (in love, anyhow) and there's an unmistakable "free spirit" in you that shows up most obviously in matters of the heart. This is not to say you cannot—or will not—fall in love. Infatuations happen easily, but true love can be a little elusive for you. When you do make a commitment, you are generally able to stick to it. The commitment you make generally has to be a little different in order to be tolerable to you, and you are proud of that difference. Following the beaten track simply doesn't sit well with you.

You have an aloof air about you that others find attractive. If they are looking for a commitment from you at a later date, however, what was once considered charismatic might become annoying! It is easy for you to feel claustrophobic in relationships that are too close, too needy, or too demanding of your time. If you have the space to breathe a little, all the better. This is when you are at your best.

You are a curious person and enjoy intellectual stimulation in your relationships. Although you are not someone who would be considered flighty, you do not tolerate stagnation very well. You need to feel like your relationship is heading somewhere. Your ability to detach yourself from a situation, take a step back, and look at it from a unique perspective is a tremendous strength. As willing as you are to stir things up if you are in the mood to enforce change, there is a wonderful calm surrounding you that can be most appealing to others. You are ahead of your time in matters of the heart, and you will be best off finding a partner who values your insight. **

Yes. That is so me ^^

Now, let's go on to the specifics:

          How You Relate to a Partner with Venus in Virgo:

You get off on visions, possibilities, and opportunities. Your partner, on the other hand, is most concerned with making a relationship work. Mentally, you and your partner might have much to share. Both of you enjoy having meaningful conversations with the people you love. What you prefer to talk about may not be compatible, however! Your partner believes his or her needs are simple, and in many ways they are, although you might consider these needs unnecessarily complicated. Your lover responds best to practical displays of affection, and because his or her Venus is in an Earth sign, your partner most values your physical presence and attention. A partner who is always running off to see friends, for example, could make your lover feel somewhat insecure and decidedly unloved. You value exactly that freedom, so this is an area in your relationship that you both will need to work on. Your partner's need for appreciation is paramount. Otherwise, your lover is prone to feeling like he or she has done something wrong. You reveal your love in different ways, and the independence you need, if misunderstood, can lead to a fair share of worrying on your lover's part. Make sure your partner knows that if he or she feels comfortable enough to loosen up and be himself or herself, you will appreciate him or her all the more. Misunderstanding of each other's unique and different love natures is what is most likely to divide you. This relationship can be a little more challenging than some, but compassion and understanding can most certainly make it work. **

As I have mentioned somewhere here, I want the relationship to be better. I look for ways how to make it all better, healthier, more satisfying and (of course) happier. And as I have noticed, the boyfriend is more on the stability side, just as long as we're okay, all's well, that's it. While I, talks about "growing" and getting better. I also agree with us having a lot to talk about, especially about the person we both know. In our free time, that's what we do. Talk about these people. Also, there's something about the boyfriend relying on physical presence, attention and the likes. I so agree with this, we had this argument before about seeing each other often. Though, I understand his point on that, I believe in missing each other as something that would help the relationship. It would remove the 'getting used to' part. And it feels good to long the other and be longed for. You plan what to do the next time you're together and stuff. It benefits the both of you. Well, that was my opinion. And yes, we have issues on freedom and time-for-one's self. He gets that, I don't. He felt having work makes me have this time of my own, which I don't consider, of course. It's something I'm a bit irritated that I'm just trying hard to contain, I just don't want to make things any harder as it is now. And yes, he needs appreciation big time. I felt that I have to stroke his ego every now and then because he is prone to feeling low. This is something we talk about quite often too. I just don't think that I need to watch my words or keep quiet all the time just because I might hurt him (right??). Independence is important to me. My own self is important too, I'm not planning to lose that just because I'm in a relationship or whatsoever circumstances I'm in. And I felt, this is something we need to work on to. I'm not used depending onto someone and, somehow, I expect my partner to be the same. We have a lot of things to work on to. But hey, we are still in progress. Just as what's stated above, COMPASSION and UNDERSTANDING will certainly make this work. And, I think that's what I have plenty of... xoxo

.six.

Okay, I have an extra time to do extra stuff at work (but I'm not slacking, okay?). So, here I am with another off-the-net-quizzes. It's not that I believe in them, it's just fun to answer and get the results, be amazed if it matches me and... well, take another quiz, if it did not. ü

So here's another quiz that I so agree that matches me. I just want to put it here...

                              You are Sensitive and Realistic.

Your idea of romance is not something right out of a fairy tale. But sometimes, you'd like an evening where your partner pulls out all the stops for you. You aren't spoiled, but you do like to be pampered in relationships sometimes. It's important for you to feel taken care of.

You want a partner who is responsible, giving and considerate. You want someone who is serious about making a relationship work. For you, love is sticking together through the good times and bad. You take love very seriously. **

I know every girl dreams and wishes for a fairy-tale-kind-of-romance, including me (of course). But I'm more of a reality-check now, I suppose. Thanks to the life lessons that has been thrown at me at a very young age. All things come and go. Nothing is permanent. Things work out and things don't. That's normal. All you need to do is accept it if it's there and forget-then-move-on if it did not. That's why I've had this principle to do everything you can in a relationship. I want to make it work. Make it a healthy, strong and serious relationship. Whatever it takes to make it happen, I would. Just so, if it ended, I could walk away and say... "atleast, I did my part".

But of course, there are times that the baby in me would surface. I have a secret desire to be taken care of, really (I mean, who wouldn't want that, right?). Realistically, I want to be the one who takes care of my partner. I 'baby' him, I give what he wants (even if I get less in return). But there's a part in me who wants to be the one who's taken care of. You know, having this someone who would 'baby' me. Treat me like a princess. I don't need it, but I want it. And that's a plus for me. As long as you take care of me, make me feel secure, I'm yours forever. xoxo

.five.

Been through some notes I've had for so many years, and found some of my favorite notes. And I just wanted to put it here:

* LOVE and RELATIONSHIPS *

1. Can love really last a lifetime?

~ Absolutely. But, only if you chuck the fairy tale of living happily ever after. Romantic love involves chemical changes in the brain that last 12 to 18 months. After that, you and your partner are on your own. Relationships require maintenance.

2. Can relationships survive betrayal?

~ Yes. It takes time and work. Partners will have an affair at some point in their relationships (60% of men and 40% of women). The news is good for couples hoping to recover from devastating breaches of trust. The offended partner needs to make the choice to forgive, and learn to live with a memory that can't simply be erased. Infidelity is never forgotten, but it can gradually fade into the murky background of a strong, mature relationship. **