.eight.

It's a little late now, just finished watching two movies. And I'm still awake. Goodluck for a long day at work later. I'm here at phase 3 and spending the night here. We won't be having water service tomorrow at our house (and the entire phase) because of the routine tank cleaning. Okay, so I didn't start this article to tell you about ra-da-nothings. There are two things tonight. And yes, it has something to do with the boyfriend.

 

First, the boyfriend stayed at home the entire night (which I'm really happy about, just different because he's not out, like the normal). My mom picked me up from my usual drop off point. It was all going well, until I went home alone and craved for a porridge. I stopped by there but unfortunately, it will still be ready in 5 minutes. I decided to go home first before eating. While I was at home, me and the boyfriend 'texted', and told him that I was about to go back to go get a serving of porridge. And he told me to just wait for mom 'til they come home. And I was like, "why do I have to wait for them? Can't I go there on my own?". I told him that I'll be okay. And I usually go there on my own before (well, before we became a couple that is). Of course, he did not agree. When he said "please", that ease me off a bit. But the idea this situation gave me did not go away. And of course, it made me think about a lot of things too. Like, there are lots of things that has changed since we became a couple. Some things are okay and some things are 'oh well, what can I do?'. I think I am the one who's doing most of  the changing. And I think it's just a little unfair on my part. (Okay, enough. I'm going off track now)

Maybe, I just don't want someone to make me feel as if I can't take good care of myself and can't stand on my own feet. Okay, sometimes yes, I would love that. There's this quote, I remember, that says: "I know I can take good care of myself, but I want someone to prove me I can't" or something like that. Just like what that quote says, I wanted someone to make me feel I need to be taken care of, SOMETIMES. Let's not forget that I'm more on the independent side that wants to do things on my own.

Second, he was asking me to sleep at their place. I thought this topic has already been settled. This has been an issue between us from God-knows-when. I laid all the reasons why I don't, for so many I'm-getting-tired-repeating-it times, and I don't know why he keeps on pushing it. Things between his parents and I weren't that good, I don't want to pull the strings. I just can't imagine being the thick-faced woman who keeps on doing inappropriate things (being the woman who goes to the man's house which is just so inappropriate, much more to sleep there when you two aren't even married and your relationship wasn't that approved upon.. what would that make me look??), one reason is the on-the-works religion thing (which is another thing to talk about, but not now.). Another reason? He had someone before whom he lived with, maybe a year or so. And I just can't swallow the fact YET that I'm laying on the same bed which they have shared. And please consider that we are just on our fifth month together, past issues are still on the line. Why can't he understand that? He even noticed a lot of times what happens to me if I stayed too long in their house, I lose my mood, I lose my sane self. Why can't he just understand that?? I believe I'm doing my part on this. I have been trying to adjust and trying to change. I now go to their place every now and then. I went out together with his parents. I'm really tying to familiarize myself on this, can't he even notice that? To think that I am trying to overcome my fear of parents for him.

We did not end the night good. One thing is I did not agree to sleep at their place. And next maybe is I am now going to sleep in a different house (while I did not agree with his.). None of a proper goodnight. And won't be a good night (morning) for me. And it was always like this. I felt that I need to make him feel good all the time. That I always have to be very careful not to hurt his feelings. But how about me?

I think I'ma hit the sheets now. It's getting too late. I love him. This wouldn't change that fact. xoxo

p.s  There's something about our date last feb 12 that I wanted to share. Pls help me remember.